Although she’s still savouring the immeasurable joy of motherhood, but TY Bello had to endure struggle with Endometriosis, IVF and ceaseless pressure from friends and family before she finally became a proud mother.
In a recent interview, TY, who revealed she went through IVF to conceive her boys, said the journey to pregnancy was a very intense one for her, as she also cleared the rumours that she employed the services of a surrogate mother to carry the twins for her.
“My journey to pregnancy was a very intense one. I had just been through the toughest nine years of trying to get pregnant, being confident that it would be a breeze since I had always known that I would make a great mother. It was quite humbling when it didn’t happen as I had envisioned it. It was grueling actually,” she said
She also hinted that she had always joked about having twin boys to make up for the lost time of motherhood and that she never knew God was listening to her.
“At first we didn’t know I was carrying twins. When I was going for my test, I didn’t feel pregnant. Before I went, I heard in my spirit, ‘Wear something nice’. I questioned the voice and wondered if it was nice to dress so nicely and get disappointed, setting myself for a heartbreak. In the end, I obeyed. I decided in my mind that whether I was pregnant or not, I was not going to stop believing. My doctor was very dramatic about the announcement too. She screamed so much we couldn’t even decipher her words. I had a delayed reaction as her words wouldn’t sink in. It was overwhelming, We were truly happy and couldn’t stop crying.
I remember two people, Pastors Obi Pax Harry and Angela Ashong telling me matter-of-factly that I was going to have twins. It happened to the detail. My friends know how I have always made it a joke about having twin boys to make up for lost time. I wanted boys because I joked that I was an eternal fourteen year old lanky boy myself and so we would all get along. I can’t believe God was listening. It was few months before we could confirm that we were having boys.”
The ‘Land is green’ crooner also said she discovered that a long standing undiagnosed battle with Endometriosis was responsible for her delay in pregnancy,
“In perfect timing though, two older friends of mine, Dr Odaga and Mrs Morin Desalu came into our lives and helped us be more proactive in our journey to becoming parents. What started with dark clouds took a turn. For instance when Aunty Morin whisked my husband and I to see her doctor at George’s hospital. We discovered that a long standing yet undiagnosed battle with Endometriosis was responsible and I just assumed I had the worst period pains. Shortly after that, through Dupe Kupoluyi, we met a fantastic doctor named Yemisi Bero at the Arc Clinic who became our fertility doctor.
“I went through my IVF cycle with her, probably in the middle of the busiest seasons in my career. I remember jabbing myself at airports sometimes just to keep with the schedule as I worked like crazy. Sometimes I think I stayed so ridiculously busy just to keep my mind off the difficult process. To the glory of God, that cycle was successful and everything inside of me screamed for me to slow downed but I didn’t just know how. I decided to start a pregnancy journal and instinctively titled it “Quiet Streams” Immediately I knew then that everything was going to change and it did. It was like a switch was flipped and my body went rest mood.”
Just like some other women who have stayed over four years in marriage without a child, TY Bello’s friends and family pressurized her severely during the wait for her babies.
“Oh you can’t even begin to imagine. Society and even your personal fears can pressure you before a desire manifests. In our society, as with most, once you hit a four year mark after your wedding, everyone around you starts to blare their alarm. Nine years? Now that was deafening. Every time I prayed, I knew everything was going to be fine and my life was in the course set for me. The pressure gets more difficult when you are trying and it isn’t happening.
It was important I turn a deaf ear sometimes. It was important that I didn’t feed my doubts. Someone once said to me after the babies came, “You can’t call your experience waiting, you were living your life to the full before their arrival”. I explained that was exactly my waiting experience. I always say that Christ came to die that we may have life and have life abundantly and that I want to live life to the maximum. If you allow yourself to sustain a state of misery because you don’t have something, whether marriage, children or a dream career, then you can’t have a full life. It is in the place of living outside of the tyranny of the desire that it comes to you in its full glory. I knew for sure I was born to be a great mum. I just wasn’t sure on how it would play out but I knew it would happen nonetheless.”
She also reacted to the rumors that she did not carry her boys herself, that she engaged the services of a surrogate, TY said
“Funny enough I had a shoot during my pregnancy and the makeup artist who did my makeup during my maternity shoot was in a room where this was being thrown around and she couldn’t stop laughing as she spent enough time with me when I was pregnant. I was blessed to have Kelechi Amadi-Obi make the photographs and it was special as he had photographed our wedding as well.
Its beautiful to have your bump photographed in appreciation but not necessarily as evidence of your being with a child. There are women who would become mothers via adoption or surrogacy. The difference is insignificant. We all carry our children”
Finally, the proud mother of Chris and Chris advised other women who are waiting for a child to tap from her testimony and believe in God.
“Waiting of any kind can be very troubling. You can’t imagine what a waiting woman goes through. I have spoken to many women and they described the process as getting an endless cycle of hope and disappointment. That is what breaks the spirit coupled with the stigma, especially in this part of the world. My advice is to never let go of the desire to be parents as God himself put it there.
Celebrate the fact that you are alive and never take it for granted. Give yourself permission to experience joy, to dream and fulfill purpose as you wait. It adds value to the type of parent you become. It is always worth it in the end.”
Toyin (Ty) Bello (nee Sokefun) is a Nigerian musician. Her music is eclectic: urbane, groovy and soulful; and is laced with hip hop, jazz and R&B. She is a University of Lagos economics graduate. She was a member one of Nigeria’s most celebrated urban gospel band- Kush made up of her, Emem and Lara.